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You need to be quite clear and firm with your child about house rules. When confronted by comparisons of how you vs. someone else completes a task, or allows a certain behavior, make it quite clear that house rules are house rules, and rules for other places apply at those other places. For example, let your child know that Mrs. Smith at school may do things that way, and that is how to do it at school in her class, but at home nothing has changed. If you begin getting frequent comaprisons, you may wish to drop by and have a chat with the caregiver to compare notes. It is very likely she is receiving the same type of comparisons in reverse. It is very important to handle this in a manner which does not undermine the teacher's authority, or to show upset aty the comparisons, as this can lead to the child seeing an opening for taking advantage. Remember, be firm, but not angry. Children need to learn rules that are appropriate for the various situations they find themselves in, and being firm leads to the security of knowing that somethings will just not change and the confidence to deal with new ways of doing things in an appropriate context. Realise that this is not a sign of personal failure, but merely part of your child's personal growth.
|Jennifer Mathes, Ph.D.|